Dear Brenda,
Unfortunately, we all work with people like your co-worker. The worst part about it is, there’s not much you can say to her. But, there is something you can do for yourself.

Limit your exposure to her bad attitude. Don’t hang out with her on breaks, don’t socialize with her after work, don’t go out of your way to greet her each morning. People like your co-worker tend to feed on the mighty attempts of others to befriend them. She senses you trying too hard and may feel power over you.

In fact, it sounds like she has a lot of power over you. You said she takes the fun out of your job and ruins your day. Brenda, you’re giving her too much control by letting that happen.

I suggest you ignore her immature behavior and don’t take it so personally. Choose your own reactions and choose to stay positive each day. She may realize what a miserable life she’s created by being so down all the time, but her life is none of your business.

As a last resort, if her attitude affects your work, you can discuss it with your boss. If you discuss it though, stay focused on the work and do not discuss her attitude. Saying things like, “Barbie always storms out of meetings, never smiles, and ruins my day,” will sound petty and whiney. Keep it focused on work; for example, “Barbie’s absence from meetings causes repeat meetings and miscommunication.”

Stay focused on yourself and the choices you make each day.

Good luck, Kelly

Dear Kelly,
One person on my staff consistently arrives late to work and to meetings. I don’t like the impression this gives the rest of my staff and am starting to see others doing the same thing. I’ve discussed the importance of being on time in staff meetings but it hasn’t gotten through to him. What else can I do to get him on time?

Sincerely, Katherine

Dear Katherine,
First of all, speak with him privately. Hinting in a staff meeting is ineffective, as you’ve discovered.

Tell him you’ve noticed this pattern for six weeks (or however long it has been, but be specific) and need it to be corrected. You could explain the importance of his timely arrival (such as, staff meetings need to be on time, clients call, staff questions arise, etc.) but be careful about sounding condescending.

Ask if he understands the need for his timely arrival or if he has any questions about it. Once questions are answered (if he has any), ask him what needs to happen for him to arrive on time. If he offers solutions, he’s more likely to implement them than if you were to tell him to leave home fifteen minutes earlier each day. Work together to arrive at three solutions. (Would it be possible to offer changing his hours from an 8:00am start time to 8:30am?)

Once solutions are identified, ask what consequences should apply if he is late again. For example, the staff meeting will proceed without him, his travel budget will be cut, his staff gets to leave early, just to name a few creative ones. Schedule a follow-up meeting to reinforce how important timeliness is to your company. Give positive feedback when applicable in the meantime.

By emphasizing the importance of timeliness, asking him to identify solutions and consequences, and following up, it is likely you will be able to alter his behavior. If not, you may need to take it to a formal disciplinary action.

Good luck, Kelly

Introducing a new resource for you, an interactive advice column for workplace issues. Kelly Tyler, your savvy advisor, is a former American Management Association seminar developer and leader. She has extensive experience in coaching people to success in the workplace. Send Kelly your “Queries and Conundrums” to editor@flourishmagazine.com. A few letters will be shared in each issue.

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