We think of a soul mate as:

1. The one who completes us
2. The person who will counter our weaknesses, amplify our strengths and provide unending support and respect
3. The ideal love

The National Marriage Project found that an overwhelming majority (94%) of singles agree that “when you marry, you want your spouse to be your soul mate, first and foremost”. In our society, the idea of wanting friendship in a marriage is not new, but the soul mate desire is a new and higher standard.

Why are we demanding a union of the souls? We live in a mobile society and have a frantic pace which makes it difficult to sustain deep and lasting attachments. So when we are searching for our partners, we are looking for the support and comfort that is missing in other parts of our lives.

Throughout the decades, the expectations for our relationships have dramatically changed. The search for financial partnerships and parental partnerships to raise children has declined in importance. Now, more people have children without having to marry; and men and women are economically independent. We also have been exposed to the divorce revolution that has left us with scars, disillusionment and wanting more. Then the media bombards us with the notions that there is boundless romantic possibility. The ads tell us we can have it all: self actualization, limitless excitement, beauty, great sex and a wonderful family.

A better way to flourish and find a fulfilling relationship is to create an authentic relationship. Real people want to be loved, despite their imperfections. An authentic relationship includes love, compassion, understanding and compromise. An authentic relationship allows you to be yourself, knowing that you---and your limitations---will be loved.

Relationships do require work and this work offers long term rewards. We need to pursue loyalty and partnerships while learning about compromise and give-and-take. Connecting to another human at this level is profound. Instead of chasing the unrealistic expectations attached to the idea of a “soul mate,” we should focus our energy on authentic relationships. This will allow us to achieve fulfilling and satisfying relationships.

Your “relating!” columnist is Terri Clinton Dichiser, M.A., J.D. She is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor at Kansas City Counseling Associates, Overland Park, Kansas. Contact her at 913.642.8877 ext. 2

Article Source: http://www.flourishmagazine.com