Listening
A Simple Skill Yields Amazing Results
By: Cynthia Atwood-Steinberg

“Know how to listen and you will profit even from those who speak badly.” - Plutarch

Do you have a friend who seems to really know you - you share thoughts, ideas, experiences you have never shared before, you get in touch with feelings you did not even know were there? Have you had a friend like this? I have. Although there are many people I enjoy, one individual knows more about me than anyone else. What makes this friend different? Is she a better conversationalist, more intuitive? Smarter? No - she listens! I am talking about real listening, deep, open-up-your heart listening.

In my career, I have had the privilege of listening to both clients and customers---conducting thousands of focus groups. I have come to believe no matter what the technique for gathering research, if you are not committed or do not know how to listen, the process is an incredible waste.

What is meant by listening? It is what good friends do. It is referred to as ’comprehensive listening’ or energetic attention - which requires both effort and desire. This type of listening actually burns calories. Think of it, if we talked less and listened more we would all be thinner!

One tool will ensure success with your clients and employees - listening. I guarantee that listening - comprehensive listening - will lead you to develop breakthrough products, create advertising that satisfies inner longings and deliver services that generate lifelong consumers.

You are probably thinking - that’s way too simple. Listening is not really a skill, is it? How can this passive activity make any difference, much less make the difference?

Listening to people - clients, employees, and your spouse will rock your world!

There are three steps to listening:
Receiving: This is the physiological process of hearing. This may seem obvious, when you are having a conversation with a client, the environment must be conducive to actually hearing. The first step is to create an environment that allows you to receive stimulus - auditory as well as body language.
Tip 1: Minimize distractions. Our brain processes words four times faster than most people speak - it is easy to let your mind wander. Put aside concerns, worries and other tasks - all of those emails will wait!

Attending: This is the process of tuning in to certain stimulus. Studies show we pay attention to comments and ideas that are consistent with what we already believe and those having a certain sound, tone or emotional impact. Prior to beginning a conversation with a client or customer, let go of any negative internal dialogue and create positive expectations. Listen as if they are the most important person to your business - they are!
Tip 2: Breathe deep and eat brain foods. Most people can only focus for six minutes at one time! Optimize concentration using deep relaxation and eating foods with high levels of amino acids, vitamins and minerals.
Tip 3: Listen beyond your bias. Choose to focus on comments that surprise you or even conflict with your opinions. Bust your biases and stereotypes, get the “aha’s” you are looking for!

Assigning meaning: This is where we all want to jump to immediately, isn’t it? What does that person really mean by those comments? What is the implication for me? Now is the time to explore more deeply what people mean by what they say. How often do we jump to our own conclusions? During your conversations, stay in the moment, ask questions, do not assume you know.
Tip 4: Ask open-ended questions. Closed ended questions, that require a simple “yes” or “no” answer, can stop a conversation. Ask simple open-ended questions such as tell me more - or what else do you have to say about that.

So you see, listening is simple, but not easy! It is the single most powerful tool you can use to create loyal customers, successful products/services and authentic and productive relationships. Make the commitment to actively listen, hone your skills. You will be amazed at the results.

Cynthia is President of Sounding House, a qualitative market research firm committed to the art and science of listening. For market research ideas, call 913.236.4775.