Your Emotions and Money
Examining Limiting Beliefs
By: Terri Clinton Dichiser

Common sayings reflect our relationship with money: filthy rich, money makes the world go around, money doesn’t grow on trees, and money is the root of all evil.

I had to take a look at my relationship early on in my practice as a therapist and coach. I would often hesitate to charge very much for my services because I couldn’t be “worth” that much money. Colleagues and consultants would encourage me to charge more because of my extensive educational background in law, therapy, mediation and coaching, combined with my years of practical experience. Yet I found myself charging under the competitive rate. I noticed that I brought individuals into my practice that had limiting beliefs about money and would even purchase other things prior to paying my bill. Being a therapist, I recognized this and started looking at my own relationship with money.

Following are limiting beliefs and emotions tied with money:
People who hesitate to spend money on themselves. These individuals will often say they can’t spend money on healthcare, counseling, etc. yet they afford to spend money on others or material items. Some underlying beliefs are the need to be accepted and to gain the approval of others. Additional underlying beliefs are that you do not feel good about yourself and don’t deserve to spend money on yourself.

You feel powerless and have fears about money. Often you will avoid dealing with money or resign yourself that you are defeated, so why bother.

Some carry shame around money. This starts within our family of origin not talking about money, emphasizing the belief that money should be a secret.

A common view in our society that a person’s worth is based on their net worth. This belief will dictate whether a person should be in your life based on their income level. Remember that there are financially wealthy people of substance and financially poor people of substance. Many people tie their happiness to how much money they make or will make. Beyond meeting our basic needs, financial wealth and happiness do not correlate.

Something that deserves special attention is shopping addiction. Some people’s spending can be destructive financially, personally and to their families. Compulsive spending can be a relief from depression, healing hurts, stress, regrets or the problems of daily living. Do you find yourself in a store buying things that you did not need? Did you make a purchase to feel better or fill a void? Do you have high levels of debt? Do you try to hide purchases you have made? Do you feel ashamed of your acts? If you answered yes, it would be wise to explore if you are a compulsive shopper or spender.

Answer these questions to examine your relationship with money.

Past:
1. How did your parents/family deal with money?
2. Did you have enough money or was there never enough?
3. How did you talk about money in your family?

Present:
1. What is your current relationship with money?
2. Is money a way of gaining or losing power in any of your relationships?
3. Do you trust others with money?
4. What are your spending habits?
5. What words do you use to describe money?

Future:
1. Where do you see yourself financially in the future?
2. Do you have fears of not having enough?

Money plays a significant role in all of our lives. It is not good or bad; rather it is necessary to further our lives. Understanding your money relationship will light the path toward a prosperous future and allow you to achieve your dreams.

Your “relating!” columnist is Terri Clinton Dichiser, M.A., J.D. She is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor at Take Charge, Inc., Overland Park, Kansas. Contact her at 913.642.8877 ext. 2.